The hard road to holiness

I've always chosen to do easy things in which I knew I could succeed.  I've always hated disappointment, failure, and coming in second to my own personal best.  I'm a hard worker and have in the past always attributed my success both to my work and to my intelligence.  I've always considered myself smart.

Now, all that is turned upside down.  I am no longer the best or the most learned.  Not only is my foolish pride set on display for all to see, but I also realize, now that I am faced with something I cannot easily achieve or conquer, that none of those successes were mine at all. Not only are earthly accomplishments meaningless, but I cannot even take credit for them.  Not for my intellect, talent, skill, knowledge, or abilities.  It is all His and by His grace and nothing less.  To Him be the glory.

And so it now becomes clear: first, that the pursuit of holiness is not something for which I can have a natural aptitude.  It is a lifelong lesson which I must practice.  But I do not run this course alone.  Just as my God has given me all those other gifts and graces, so will He continue to help me and guide me into holiness.  For how could He expect me to learn it on my own?  He knows that without Him we are incapable of anything.  He is not only happy to see me asking for His help, but He is indeed running towards me as I run towards Him, for this is His greatest desire!  That I be one with Him in all things.

Jesus, I accept that I am nothing without You.  Be patient with me, O Lord.  Make me into the servant You have called me to be.

The beginning

I hardly feel authorized to be writing this!  I've been at New Staff Training (NST) for three days and it still catches me off-guard whenever I hear another member of FOCUS refer to me as a missionary.  A Catholic missionary.  Never in my life did I expect to be doing this, but I'm quickly finding out that our God is full of surprises!

My first lesson was not learned in a classroom in the most formal sense of the word -- we won't start NST classes officially until Monday -- but in the best class taught by the greatest Teacher.  I'm a slow learner, and so it took morning holy hours, Mass, Adoration with praise and worship, and finally extra time before Jesus in the tabernacle to recognize today's lesson, which I expect I will continue learning on a deeper level throughout NST and hopefully the rest of my life.  It is simply -- and most profoundly -- this:

God is love, and love is of God.  God delights in me!  One of my favorite lines from Fr. Jean C. J. d'Elbee is "Jesus, You are my joy, and I, too, am Your joy."  I can do nothing to earn His love.  I don't have to, because He gives it freely.  I read and reread 1 John 4:7-21 tonight.  John has such confidence in the love of God for His people.  No wonder he was called the beloved apostle!  If only we could all realize and believe in that love.

Go, read the fourth chapter of the first letter of John.  See for yourself how great is the love of our sweet Savior.