What is reality?

I'm becoming increasingly more and more aware that it's not what we think it is. This reality here on earth, material, is so easily separated from the true reality of our homeland of heaven.

And that's what this summer has been -- a search for reality. What is truth? I've seen it, tasted it, felt it…but then after all of this I returned to a place and a life which I once knew, and now I know not.  I can't be this Severna Park girl, or even this Tilyou girl.  I belong not to this world.  I can't grasp the concept of identity found in money and status and success and achievements.  My identity is in Christ alone.  Seeking happiness among these worldly things confuses me. How?? Why??

At the pastoral council meeting last night, all were discussing how to make our parish more welcoming and evangelistic.  A beautiful desire.  But it hit me that we were missing the root, the foundation of it all. Unless each person involved is himself growing interiorly in a personal relationship with Jesus, the exterior works are meaningless. Are we falling more in love with Jesus Christ each day? Our apostolate of love will only reach the rest of the world if it is flowing out of our relationship with Him.

And why do we have excuses for not praying or not attending daily Mass? Recently I, too, have been tempted towards this. Can getting more sleep possibly be more important than receiving Him in the Eucharist?  If I am sleep-deprived, it is a lack of discipline on my part; my priorities are not yet properly ordered. Do we truly believe that we need Him - Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity - and nothing else on this earth?

And on a final note, my world is again being shaken, in a good way, by the words of Fr. Dubay. We, as individuals and as a society, have no real understanding of Christ's directives on poverty.  I can't quote the whole book or even a chapter, but Fr. speaks truth and, in so doing, convicts me in the very depths of my heart.

Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself." And He meant it in the most literal sense.  What gives me the right to eat a single meal and ignore the man who goes without?  St. Thomas More brought the poor into his home to eat at his table.  Why am I not doing the same every day?????

John the Baptist's words: "He who has two coats, let him share with him who has none."  How can I read that and still allow myself to own more than one coat, when I know full well there are people without clothing????????

We call friends and strangers alike our brothers and sisters in Christ.  If my blood sister found herself sick, hungry, or without a home, would I not do everything in my power to meet her every need? What a hypocrite I am for not treating every other human being the same!

I can't justify it anymore, this frivolous living.  Consider, we are told to give from our very need.  Let me be frank.  I have NEVER given out of my need, because I've NEVER had a need.  This is the end of my old life and the beginning of a new one.  I am ECSTATIC to begin truly striving to live as Christ has called us all to live.

My Jesus, have mercy on me, a poor sinner.  My Jesus, I trust in You!