For the past few days I've been in a little bit of a funk. Not understanding why, I tried to analyze all the possible factors, the most plausible being that training ends this week. I realized that I'm frightened to be going so far away from home, to a place I know almost nothing about, with people I met only last month. I was begging Jesus last night, asking why He would send me so far from my family who I love so dearly. I shouldn't have been surprised, then, when I ran into Beth and Josh in the stairwell on my way up to bed. They'll be on a campus just two hours away from me and were reassuring me about everything, so I was somewhat comforted.
In my holy hour this morning, I felt prompted to read Psalm 34, which turns out to be none other than the one quoted on my name plaque -- "I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth." Again, I shouldn't be surprised when the Spirit moves, but this was the perfect reading because it addressed my need for reassurance and also reminded me not to keep my mind turned inward toward myself. To Him be the honor and the glory forever!
At praise and worship tonight, I was able to let go of some anxieties about my placement. We sang "Lay It Down," which of course speaks to the heart of any missionary or discerning soul.
Everything I am,
Everything I long to be,
I lay it down
At Your feet.
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